22.1

Yesterday I celebrated my 22nd birthday. The two weeks leading up to my birthday had me down, deep down, in the dumps. I'm 22-years-old and I've accomplished absolutely nothing with my life. Do I even deserve a 23rd year?

Most people my age are starting or even finishing their final year of undergraduate studies. I know plenty of people my age and younger who own their own car, have at least one steady job or are in a relationship. Their hobbies too are grander than my own. They travel the world or at the very least the state. They're almost all a member of some club or organization. Most of them have won an award, trophy, ribbon, or title for either a sport, volunteer job, or some competition type thing where a prize is offered. Pretty much anything that offers up a prize and someone I know has won it at least once.
They all even seem to have more friends than I do. They're invited to all sorts of parties and fun outings. They're always trying something new and grand, they're out in the world living life and having exciting adventures. I haven't any of that.

I've spent 22 years living my life and then holding it up to everyone else and comparing them together. My life has always seemed to fall short, no matter how hard I tried to improve myself. My religious group of friends all seem to walk so strongly in their faith. They're actively involved in their religious facilities activities. They go on missions trips. They go to conventions, concerts, talks, etc. and are suddenly keenly aware of God in everything that happens in their life. I haven't any of that.

My active group of friends all play at least one team sport coupled with an individual based sport. First they trash their school district, then they smash everyone else in state, and so on. They bring home records, titles, and trophies. I haven't any of that.

My academic group of friends are on the president's list, the dean's list, or even their professor's list. They're all actively involved in school clubs, school events, student government, the newspaper, class study groups, they're even good friends with the professors. I haven't any of that.

It seems everyone I know is an activist for this or that, competing and winning this or that, working here or there, doing this, that and the other thing, are friends with everybody else, and generally have a good time. I haven't any of those things.

Then it hit me. Of course my life doesn't stack up to everybody else's. I'm not everybody else. I am myself. I shouldn't be holding my life up to anybody else. I certainly shouldn't be comparing my life to theirs, much trying to make my life more like theirs. I should have my own distinct life. I should only compare myself to my former self. I should compare who I am now to who I was 10 years ago. I was a completely different person then.

Yesterday I took a hard look at my life. I looked at all the things I have done and have not done. I looked at what I have accomplished and what I failed to accomplish. I looked at who I was and who I am. I wanted to post the lists here, but it's late and I'm very tired as I've had a very busy week. So I will post them up sometime tomorrow, along with my answer to the question I posed earlier.

Afterwards, I will tell of my birthday celebration as it took me 3 days to get it all in order. =)  I do prefer spreading all the festivities (and I use this word loosely) over several days because then it makes it seem happier, and keep the fun going a while longer than just your allotted 24 hours that are so standard. I'm an odd duck, an eccentric if you will and I do prefer to do things differently. Last year it took my family and I a week to cover my birthday because we kept forgetting things and remembering them later! =P

So tomorrow, keep your eyes peeled for a thorough list of what I have and have not done, what I have and have not accomplished, and who I was & who I am. It should be an interesting journey.

Until then this is the Amazon Artiste signing off.